The individual-integrity mother (INTJ)
This mom is introspective, defining her own success from within, and is generally confident in her decisions. She’s unlikely to be persuaded by her kids’ saying “But all the other moms are doing it.” She’s competent in providing for her kids’ basic needs, but she’s likely more focused on building their confidence. She puts great importance on independent thinking and self-sufficiency. This mom works hard and takes life seriously; she lives for those moments when she can impart knowledge and offer her kids new perspectives on life.
Stay-sane tip: It’s essential for you to have a project to call your own. If you don’t have a job, try volunteering to meet your need for mental stimulation and adult conversation.
I’d have to say that is pretty darn accurate! I’ve been meaning to post on the topic of “building their confidence”, “creating independent thinking”, and building “self-sufficiency” lately, as more of a book recommendation. John and I viewed Alfie Kohn‘s Unconditional Parenting on dvd a couple of weeks ago. The goal of unconditional parenting is to accomplish those goals, but isn’t that really any parent’s goal? Kohn’s idea, though, is that you don’t build self-sufficiency or independent thinking or confidence through punishment and rewards, a la BF Skinner. I’m raising a person, not a rat to be trained. Rewards, like a “Good Job!” for your child simply doing what is expected of her, like putting her toys away, undermine motivation. (See article, Five Reasons to Stop Saying “Good Job“) Punishments, like time-out (from positive reinforcement) remove a child from a situation that needs communication and love. Punishments and rewards are things we do *to* kids. Teaching kids to be responsible, functional members of society is something we do *with* them.
All of this meshes well with my experiences as a teacher and my graduate studies in gifted education. Gifted kids would see right through the “Good Job!” and perhaps even become unmotivated to excel for too much praise on mundane tasks.
The dvd is not a step-by-step guide, which no parenting book should be. Every situation is different; every family is different; every child is different. It does offer great ideas and a mentality to aspire to.