You should expect it from me by now…the mixed emotions of mother’s day for a motherless mother. When I had my miscarriage, the hospital gave me the James Avery heart pendant pictured here — a heart with a heart-shaped hole. I find it so touching and so symbolic, and I wear it every Mother’s Day. That is pretty much the only day I wear it, but I wear as I am celebrated for being a mother. I wear it to remember the hearts that are missing and have left little holes in my own heart. It was given to me to commemorate the baby that never got to be, and I wear it in memory of him. I also wear it in memory of my mom. I wear it proudly. No one has ever asked me about it, and I think that is because they know what it means and how raw the stories are, even now, four years later…20 years later.
I made this little collage of my Mother’s Days. I love seeing the girls grow and my hairstyles change. I posted on Facebook that I think the 2010 hair is my favorite, so I plan to go back to soft highlights later this month.
I did have a great day! I spelled out for John exactly what I wanted for the day (ladies, I highly recommend being specific!) We went to dinner at Z Tejas Saturday night. Sunday morning, he got up with the girls and took them to Shipley’s for donuts while I read, had a bubble bath, and got dressed in peace and quiet (never having to stop to fix a snack or wipe a bottom or break up a fight!) We then went for a hike on Brushy Creek and came home for burgers from the grill. We ended the day with church and a St. Julian’s Day celebration dinner at church. (I even found an armoire on craigslist to upgrade the girls’ craft storage…post on it to follow! And John went and picked it up while I got the girls in bed.)