Possibly the Longest Week of My Life

Seven long, exhausting days. So much has happened. It seems like a year.

1. Learning unexpectedly that the baby inside me is dead.
2. Telling my family.
3. Leaving my daughter overnight for the first time ever.
4. Checking in to the hospital to be induced. (Five tries to get that darn IV started…that wonderful, pain-numbing IV.)
5. Waiting for labor and laboring for 25 hours. My body didn’t want to let him go.
6. Delivering that tiny baby boy, taking turns with John holding him, naming him, and handing him off.
7. More waiting for the third stage of labor, delivering the placenta.
8. Taking that ride to the OR for a D&C.
9. Going home.
10. Telling friends.
11. Crying.
12. Wondering…what went wrong?…will we get pregnant again?…am I too old?…I think I want a half dozen kids now.
13. Crying.
14. Being touched by the kind words, cards, flowers and plants, meals, thoughts and prayers of those around us.
15. Finding comfort…in sleep and in my beautiful daughter. Forget the internet support message boards or grief reading material recommended by the hospital and friends. Those just depress me more, reading about people still mourning years and years later. I just want to play with my big girl and sleep.

6 thoughts on “Possibly the Longest Week of My Life

  1. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this loss. But, it sounds as if you are receiving the help and support you need. Please get the rest and care you need and take time to heal. If you need anything, please let me know. (((HUGS!)))

  2. I am so sorry for what you have gone through, it is an unimaginable pain. However–you have an amazing little girl, you are not too old and you will get pregnant again then you will seek help for thinking you want a half dozen children 🙂

    It goes with out saying but if you need anything….

  3. It IS crazy the things a hormonal mind can come up (re: the half dozen children)! We really are doing fine.

  4. I am so sorry for your loss! Although our situations were different, I’ve gone through many of the same thoughts/feelings you are going through now. I hope that means we’re normal! 🙂 My big girl got me through it too! I’m still praying for you!

  5. Liz told me that you posted this so
    i wanted to read. Just know that I am praying for you all daily, and you can call me and let it all out when ever you need to. I am always here for you. Love you.

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